Learing To Let Go
by Casey4
Summary: *Complete* Kurt can not face the truth about a tradegy in his life and refuses to admit it wasn't his fault until she proves him wrong. Starring: Kurt, Rocky, and Stephanie
1. Default Chapter

Learning To Let Go

***14 months earlier at the Pre Natal Intensive Care Unit***

"Karen! Honey what is going on? Is everything ok?" Kurt frantically asked his wife.

Karen just looked at Kurt with pain and anger in her eyes and he knew his answer.

"Oh God, baby! What happened? Please tell me."

"She's gone, Kurt. The baby we lost her. The Doctor guesses that stress is what caused the premature labor and her lungs weren't developed enough. She suffocated to death, Kurt."

Kurt just looked at his wife with the same look she had given him earlier. How could anyone let this happen? He just didn't understand why this was happening to him.

"This doesn't happen to me. It happens to other people! Please tell me I'm dreaming!" Kurt yelled.

***Current day***

"Hey, Chris have you seen Kurt around?" Dwayne asked his friend.

"No, man I haven't. I was actually going to ask you how he is doing. He hasn't seemed like himself lately."

"I know. It's been worrying the hell out of me. I called him to see if he was coming to watch the match tonight and got his voicemail. I know he didn't go anywhere because he has been so damn depressed."

"D, what happened? I mean all I know is she left but there has to be a reason why."

"To be honest, Chris I don't really know. I know Kurt has never forgiving him self for loosing the baby. Even though everyone has told him a million times he had nothing to do with it. He keeps saying it was his fault because he put so much stress on Karen. My guess is she couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't the same man after they lost the baby and she couldn't handle that."

Jericho just looked at Dwayne was a sad look of remorse on his face. He didn't know really what to say. 

"I am going to go ask, Steph if she has heard from him. I know when he gets really depressed an needs a shoulder to cry on he always calls Steph."

"Ok, man and tell him to cheer up. We all miss picking on him!"

After Dwayne talked to Stephanie and found out she knew no more about Kurt's whereabouts then he did, he decided to go to house and check on him.

"Thor? Come here boy." Dwayne called to Kurt's Bull Terrier. Thor usually was waiting to greet Dwayne with a wagging tail and a wet lick. Dwayne looked around everywhere outside but didn't see Thor anywhere. He felt a sense of nervousness come over him. Dwayne knocked on the door three times and decided to go in when he realized Kurt wasn't coming to the door.

"Kurt! Kurt, where are you?" Dwayne yelled from the front door.

Dwayne could hear his voice echo throughout the house. He stepped into the kitchen first and turned the light on. The kitchen was completely still and looked like it hadn't had anyone in it for weeks. Dwayne continued to walk around Kurt's house. The living room and family were just as quite as the kitchen was. Dwayne started to make his way up the hallway when he heard Thor's whimper coming from the bathroom.

"Thor, buddy? Come here boy." Dwayne called towards the dog's cries.

Thor ran out of the bathroom and growled at Dwayne and ran back into the bathroom.

"That's weird. That dog usually cries when his fleas bite him."

Dwayne then saw Thor do the same thing again only this time he ran out and grabbed a hold of Dwayne's pants and pulled him towards the door. Dwayne finally realized the dog wanted him to come into the bathroom. Dwayne could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He was scared to see what the dog was making such a big fuss over.

"Oh my God, Kurt! Jesus Christ, what have you done?"

Kurt was lying in the floor of the bathroom in a puddle of blood. (A/N: Sorry for the recent spree of pain and tragedy I have caused Kurt)  His whole body was shaking like it was in convulsions. Kurt didn't have to answer Dwayne he knew what had happened. The knife was lying on the ground and Dwayne could see the gash on Kurt's wrists.

Dwayne grabbed Kurt and carried him to the couch. He ran and grabbed a towel and applied pressure to the wounds and reached for his cell phone.

"Hello 911, Emergency response."

"Please help me. My best friend just tried to commit suicide and is fading. Please help me."

"Sir, calm down and tell me where you are."

Dwayne continued telling the lady about what he had found and what had happened. She assured him that an EMT would be there as soon as they could and try to stay calm.

When the paramedics arrived on the scene they pushed Dwayne to the side and rushed off with Kurt. Dwayne tried to ride to the hospital with him but they told him to stay behind for questioning.

"I have told you a million times he has been depressed about his wife leaving but I never thought one time he would try and kill his self. He has so much going for him right now. He is the best damn player in our game in my opinion."

"Thank you, Mr. Johnson. That will be all." The man said to him.

Dwayne sure was glad too because he had to get to the hospital to see Kurt and he had to get there quick.


	2. We Don't Have To Talk About This

Authors note: I swore I would never write a Steph and Kurt fic but SmackDown tonight gave me the idea. Damn SmackDown all to hell!

We Don't Have To Talk About This 

Dwayne sat I the chair next to where Kurt was laying. He had been there for about 5 hours and Kurt was still sound a sleep. They had him hooked up to all kinds of machines but the Doctor's said they thought he would recover just fine. Dwayne noticed Kurt stirring and started to get up but sat back down when he saw Kurt wasn't awake.

"D, how is he?"

Dwayne looked up and saw Stephanie standing in the doorway.

"Oh, hey Steph. He has been asleep since I got here. Come in and have a seat. You don't have to stand in the doorway.

Stephanie smiled and walked into the room. She had roses with her…red, white, and blue roses to be exact.

"Steph, that's to sweet! Where in the blue hell did you find blue roses?"

Steph laughed a little. "Actually Shane spray painted then for me."

Dwayne just laughed and watched Stephanie as she sat them next to Kurt's bed. He couldn't help but notice Stephanie was acting a little shy and maybe even a little standoffish.

"Steph, is something bothering you? I know Kurt is usually the person you talk to but I am pretty good at listening too. You want to go to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat?"

"I would love to, D."

Rock nodded and glanced over at Kurt to make sure he was ok. Still sleeping Dwayne thought.

Dwayne and Stephanie walked downstairs together. Stephanie wasn't talking much so Dwayne started the conversation.

"Steph, whatever is bothering you don't worry about it. You can talk to The Rock." Dwayne raised his famous eyebrow and got his evil smile on his face that everyone loved so much. He made Stephanie smile.

"D, I don't know how much Kurt has told you about us but I am scared to death. Kurt always comes to me when he is hurting and I can't believe he would do something like this. Why would he try and take his life? He has so much going for him right now." Stephanie started crying and Dwayne wrapped her up in his arms. He just let her cry into his chest.

"Steph, I know how you feel honey but its going to be OK. He didn't succeed and we can find out why when he recovers some. You know he is going to have to go to counseling for this. That might just be what he needs."

"What's going to happen when the media founds out about this? His image could be ruined. What hero tries to take their own life?" 

"Calm down, babe. We have many things happen before hat we all managed to keep under wraps. How did you find out anyway?"

"My dad called me as soon as he heard. The word is spreading through the locker room and its spreading fast, D."

Dwayne just shook his head. Damn news always travels fast around this damn company.

"Well Steph you know Kurt as well as I do and he don't want a pity party. I really think Kurt is sick and needs help. We will just have to be there for him."

"I will always be there for him, D and for you too. We can be each others support during this."

Dwayne just smiled and hugged Stephanie again.

"Come on lets go back up to his room. Maybe he will be awake. I know he will be glad to see us."

Stephanie and Dwayne walked back to Kurt's room. When they got there Kurt was in fact awake and he was holding a blur rose from Stephanie's arrangement.

"This is freaking awesome. I have never seen blue roses in my life." Kurt said. He was smiling and Dwayne and Stephanie were both glad for that.

"Shane spray painted them for you. They were all white."

Kurt flicked his cute smile. "That sweet, Steph. I wondered why I got a head rush when I smelled it."

"How you feel, buddy?" Dwayne asked.

Kurt shifted in the bed some and then looked down at his wrists.

"D, I don't know. I wasn't hoping to wake up… Who found me anyway?"

Dwayne raised his hand. "I probably wouldn't have found you as soon as I did though if Thor wouldn't have tried to attack me."

"Thor? My dog? He's afraid of his own shadow."

"Believe it or not but he was the one that showed me where you were."

"That's awesome too. Huh, imagine that he isn't a daddy's boy." Kurt laughed. Dwayne had to smile at the comment. Kurt loved that damn dog so much. He remembered when Karen first left Kurt was threatening so sue her for custody so she just let him have the dog.

"Hey, Steph. You don't have to look at me like a circus attraction. I wont bite or anything."

"I know that. I just don't really know what to say is. Forgive me if I am at a loss for words here, Kurt."

"Thanks for coming up. Neither one of you had too; I don't want any pity from anyone. I didn't do anything for attention."

"Kurt, may I ask why you did it then?" Dwayne asked.

Kurt looked towards the window and looked back down at his wrists.

"All I know is I drank about 14 Miller Lights. Now I'm not saying I didn't know what I was doing but the drunker I got the more depressed I got. I started thinking about the baby and how I ruined Karen's life and…" Kurt started crying.

Stephanie ran over and put her arm around him.

"Kurt, its ok, we don't have to talk about this now. Just try to get some rest and relax." She said to him.

"I am surprised you drank a beer! Austin would be proud." Dwayne said.

Dwayne knew how much Kurt hated Austin so he figured he would get him going.

"First off all I drank more than a beer and second of all fuck that bald headed redneck. He's probably at home right with Coach shoving microphones up cow's asses."

Dwayne died laughing. He remembered the promo that he had done with coach making him admit he shoved microphones up cow's asses.

"I can't believe you remember that promo, Kurt. I did that like last year."

Kurt laughed too. "I do and I bet there are. Oh its true, it's damn true!"

"Steph, can we talk about this now? I need to get a few things off my chest." Kurt said.

Dwayne and Stephanie both turned their attention to Kurt.

"I remember the last thing I thought about Steph was you. I remembered seeing you sitting on my back porch laughing at one of my stupid ass jokes. I started feeling ashamed of what I had just done and wanted it to be over. I really didn't want to wake up, I really didn't."

Steph smiled slightly. "Kurt, why? You have so much going for you right now. You have so many people that care about you."

"Yeah sure I do. What about my wife and my child I was supposed to have? I am supposed to be a father right now."

"Everything happens for a reason rather you want to admit that or not.  You are here with us now for a reason." Dwayne said.

"You have to let go, Kurt. You have to learn to move on and start over." Stephanie added.

They could both tell by the look on his face that is not what he wanted to hear.

"I am tired guys. I want to get some rest. Thanks for coming up."

Step hugged Kurt and Dwayne sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"D, do you mind?"

"No, actually I don't and that is why I am sitting."

Stephanie ran over and plopped down in Dwayne's lap.

"I don't mind either." Stephanie laughed.

"You two have to be the most relentless friends someone could have."


	3. What Just Happened

Author's Note: I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this story but the movie, A Beautiful Mind, gave me a great idea! Poor, poor Kurt!

What Just Happened 

"I am not going to counseling! I refuse to, D!"

"Steph, can you help me here? I knew he wasn't going to like this."

"Kurt, you have to go to counseling! If you don't they will haul you off in a straight jacket and I will have to fire you!"

"Great! She's using the McMahon charm on me. Thanks, Steph, I am glad to know you are supportive in this."

"I am supportive but only to help you get better! I think it will be good for you."

"Well I can see this is going nowhere fast. Fine! I will go but I swear to god if this gets out I'm ruined. It was hard enough trying to cover up what happened."

"I am glad you are seeing things our way rather you want to or not!" Dwayne said.

"Why did you have to wait until you were taking me home from the hospital to tell me this? Couldn't you have told me a week ago when you first came and saw me?"

"You didn't need to be bothered with things like that. We wanted to tell you when you had time to really think about it."

Dwayne noticed Kurt get that far off look on his face and saw his slump over in his seat.

"What is it, Kurt? Where are you going, buddy?"

Kurt just shrugged his shoulders and laid his head on the side of the door. Dwayne had to be in Miami at 8 in the morning to see his parents but he didn't want to leave Kurt alone. He had thought maybe the reality of what he had tried to do brought him out of his slump but clearly that wasn't the case.

"Steph, will you stay with Kurt tonight? I have to be at my parents in the morning and he can not be alone like this."

"Sure, D its no problem. I don't have any plans for tomorrow."

"Thanks, girl." 

Dwayne looked over at Kurt figuring he would protest Stephanie staying with him but he acted like he didn't even hear the conversation. His eyes were fixed on the trees outside.

"Kurt, do you want to tell me what is going through your mind right now? I know that if you talk about it, it will help you feel a little better. It always does me." Dwayne started.

Kurt looked over at Dwayne and unbuckled his seat belt. He turned around looked over his shoulder and climbed in the back seat with Stephanie.

"Kurt? Um I would ask if you were OK but I know the answer to that. You mind telling us why you just climbed in the back seat?"

"So she can't see me. She has hurt me enough and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me hurt."

Stephanie looked at Kurt and laid his head in her lap. Dwayne looked at her in the rear view mirror and mouthed "What the hell?"

Stephanie just shook her head at him and mouthed back, "Not now"

Dwayne watched Stephanie as she rubbed his shoulders and talked to him in a low sweet voice. Dwayne could barley make out what she saying but whatever is was it sure was soothing to Kurt because ten minutes later he was sound a sleep. Stephanie just smiled at Dwayne in the mirror.

When they arrived at Kurt's house Stephanie leaned over and whispered something in Kurt's ear and his eyes opened. He looked out the window and back at Dwayne and Stephanie.

"Wasn't I riding in the front seat earlier? Dwayne did I piss you off or something?" Kurt looked very confused at the whole idea.

"Kurt you moved back there….

"Dwayne, don't worry about it. Kurt, you wanted to lay down so I offered is all." Stephanie said cutting Dwayne off.

"Oh." Kurt simply said.

Kurt grabbed his bag out of he back of Dwayne's H2 and started towards the house. He started calling for Thor about halfway up the porch. Stephanie and Dwayne both smiled as the big muscle bound dog came running around the corner almost knocking Kurt down with excitement.

"Steph, you want to tell me what just happened? He acted like he had no idea he climbed in the backseat."

"That's because he didn't, D. You know how I asked how much Kurt had told you about us? Well, I finally had Kurt seeing a doctor for a while. They diagnosed him as being Manic Depressant. Kurt has the worse case of it to, a level 6. His mind will jump from totally normal to almost a different world and when he finally comes too he won't remember anything that happened. He blacks out, D. It's like he feel asleep."

"If he has been seeing a Doctor then why did he make such a big deal about counseling?" Dwayne questioned.

"Going to see a Doctor and counseling is totally different. A Doctor sees you alone and no one knows what is going on but with counseling there is a group of course. Kurt doesn't want to have to admit to anyone his problems but they will be hard to hide. He blacks out without warning but he always gets that distant look on his face."

"Yeah, I noticed that before he started acting strange. Why did you make him go to sleep?"

"Well, I found out a while back that if he does goes to sleep then when he wakes up he is his self again. It's almost like his mind restarts or something. Dwayne, when you told me in the hospital you though he was sick you were right but I had no idea it would lead to this."

"Did she do this to him. I mean did Karen leaving make him this way?"

"Well, yes and no. Mental Illness is something that runs in your genes. Something you inherit from Mom or Dad. The sickness has always been there and Karen leaving just brought it out in him."

Dwayne and Stephanie's conversation suddenly came to a screeching halt. They both heard glass break and Kurt yell.


	4. What Did You Just Say?

Author's note: OK It is 1 in the morning and I should be a sleep but here I sit writing a damn fan fic. 

_What Did You Just Say?_

Dwayne and Stephanie immediately ran in the house and started calling for Kurt. 

"I'm I the kitchen guys!" They heard Kurt say.

"What happened? We heard you yell. Is everything ok?" Dwayne frantically asked his friend.

Kurt pointed to the bay window. "I broke the window with Thor's ball. Got some glass in my arm but other than that I am fine."

Both friends sighed a sigh of relief when they realized Kurt's yell was just one out of anger and surprise.

"Steph, I am going to go. I have got to go home and pack still. Call me on my cell if you need me and I mean for anything, OK."

"Sure D, but we will be fine. As long as Kurt doesn't break anymore windows." Stephanie laughed.

"You're staying here? Why? I am a grown man I don't need a babysitter."

Stephanie just eyed Kurt and he quickly agreed. He knew she wanted to stay and talk and he liked the idea. He hadn't got to talk to her alone in a while yet. Kurt and Stephanie said their good byes to Dwayne and sat down on the couch in the living room. Stephanie kicked her shoes off and laid her head in Kurt's lap. Kurt was so happy to have a friend like Stephanie. Sure he was happy for Dwayne too but he couldn't talk to Dwayne like he could Stephanie. He didn't have to worry about what Stephanie would think or say. It was almost like he was talking to Karen in some strange way

"Kurt, so you want to tell me what really happened that night? I know you would never touch beer so you have to come clean with me."

"To be honest I don't know. I remember sitting on the couch and thinking about you like I said and then when I woke up I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. My wrists were killing me so I figured what had happened. I guess I had one of those damn black out things again. I said I got drunk well because it sounded good. I couldn't tell Dwayne what really happened."

"He knows about your condition. I told him."

"You what! Why in the hell did you do that? Great now he probably thinks I am a damn circus attraction or something. His best friend the mental case."

"Kurt, Dwayne loves you like his own brother. He was an only child growing up so he never had that. I honestly don't think he is going to turn his back on you in your time of need. Real friends don't do things like that and Dwayne is a real friend."

"You think I will ever get over this? I am tired of being scared of my own shadow. I almost want you here with me everyday so I know I will be safe." He chuckled slightly at what he had just said. "Listen at me I need a women to keep me safe. Some Olympic hero I turned out to be!"

"Yes, Kurtie Poo, I do think you will get over this it's just going to take some time. It is going to be hard to do without you taking the meds but you can't take them if you want to continue wrestling. I am here for you and so is Dwayne. I know it will be hard for you to confide in him but believe me he cares."

"I love you, Stephanie."

Stephanie just looked at Kurt shocked. At first he acted like it was no big deal but when he realized the seriousness of those three words he started fidgeting.

"Did you just say you loved me?"

"Um, well, uh yeah but I didn't mean I love you, love you.  Meant I love you as a friend. You know because you are always here for me."

"Does that mean you could never love me love me? Do I turn you off that much?"

"No, no that's not what I meant either. Freaking great. I really don't know what I meant. Can we just forget I said it and finish talking?"

"No, we can't. I want to know what you meant by that, Kurt."

"OK let me see. I have 2 people in my life that actually give shit rather I live or die, you and Dwayne. I love Dwayne too but I would never tell him that. I feel like I can tell you anything so I told you I love you because I do. I honestly don't know where I would be without either of you right now."

"Could you ever see us as being more than just friends?"

"Well, I guess I could. I would probably do something stupid though and it would ruin everything and I would loose a good friend and I don't want that to happen. I guess that is why I have never put much thought into it. Don't get me wrong, Steph, I find you very attractive but I just wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. Do you understand?"

"Of course I do and I love you too, Kurt. I just wanted to hear you saw I wasn't a dog is all."

"Babe, you are far from a dog!"

The two friends sat there talking well into the early hours of the morning. Stephanie was helping him keep his minds off things and he was enjoying it. She hadn't seen him act this much like the old Kurt Angle in a long time.

"You want the side by the alarm clock as always?" Kurt asked as they walked into his bedroom.

"Do you even have to ask?" Stephanie laughed as she jumped into the bed and under the covers.

Kurt walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled his shirt off. Stephanie noticed the way the light hit his chest and how wonderful it made his body look.

Kurt climbed in under the covers and turned the lamp off.

"See ya in the morning, Steph."

"You too, Kurtie Poo."

Stephanie didn't know why but for some reason she didn't feel right in his bed with him. The first night she stayed with him they got in an argument over who was sleeping on the couch and who was sleeping in the bed so they made a pact from then on that they would both just sleep in the bed. Hell they were grown adults and just friends. They had nothing to worry about. Stephanie looked over to where Kurt was laying and noticed he was sound a sleep. She lay there thinking about their conversation earlier. She knew that is what made her feel so uncomfortable at that moment but why? He said he didn't want to ruin their friendship and that did sense to her or did it? She had been fighting these feelings for a long time now because Kurt was sick and needed help. When she noticed how much he was acting like his old self again she couldn't help the feelings from coming back again.


	5. More Than Just Friends

Authors note: Thanks to everyone who was R/R this story and who has stuck through each chapter with me. Here we go the final chapter! I hope you enjoyed!

More Than Just Friends 

"Kurt, you a sleep?"

"No. I have been laying here with my eyes closed this whole time. Yes, Steph, I WAS a sleep."

Stephanie died laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing but I haven't heard you smart mouth me in a long time. I missed that. You used to have a smart-ass comment for just about everything I would say to you. I really hated that at first but then learned to love it. That is what made you Kurt Angle."

"Well I am Kurt Angle so I guess you are right. Now is there a reason you woke me up or can I go back to sleep now? I was having a wonderful dream about Torrie Wilson naked on the beach."

"Kurt! I didn't want to know that. Besides, I didn't think you thought about any other women besides…

"I don't and please don't say her name. I was just screwing with you. I wanted to see what you would say."

"Sorry I didn't mean to get you thinking. Look, there is a reason I woke you."

"Well…"

"What if I told you I was in love with someone?"

Kurt looked at Stephanie a little confused and then a huge smile crept across his face. He propped his head up on his pillow.

"I would say he was insane."

"Very funny! I mean it Kurt would you be happy for me?"

"Of course I would. There is nothing I want to see more than you and Dwayne to find someone and be happy. Wait a second its D isn't it? Oh my god you have the hots for Dwayne don't you?"

NO! I can't tell you who it is?"

"Then it has to be Dwayne or you would tell me. You don't hide anything from me. I am an Olympic gold medallist you know. You don't have to hide things from heroes."

Just as soon as Kurt finished his sentence she couldn't take anymore. He was acting like his old self again. She hadn't heard his I'm an Olympic gold medallist phrase in a very long time.

"Kurt, you sure have been acting like yourself again here lately."

Kurt just looked off towards the window and changed the subject.

"Come on, boobs, tell me who it is."

"I sure as hell aren't going to tell you now. Not after you called me boobs."

"Aw, did I hurt the billion dollar princess' feelings? Kurtie Poo sure is sorry."

"It's you, Kurt. I am in love with you."

Oh god did she really just say that? Oh well it was too late to be taking back now.

Kurt smiled that beautiful million-dollar smile. She hadn't seen his beautiful pearly whites in a very long time. He didn't say anything but much to her surprise kissed her. She almost died. His lips were so soft yet rough at the same time. He wasn't being forceful at all but sweet and passionate.

"I already told you that I loved you." He said sweetly. "Steph, I couldn't help but love you. You were always here for me and just when I thought I was alone there you would be. I know this is my first night away from the hospital but I feel like you are the reason I have to live everyday. You are the reason I have to be strong and try to focus on what's important in life."

Stephanie had tears running down her face. Kurt gently wiped he tears away and kissed her nose where they had been falling to. Stephanie laid her head on his chest. She couldn't believe he had just old her that. How long had he felt that way? Was he ever going to tell her if she didn't? Oh well at least she knows the truth now and maybe this will be what he needs to get through this.

****15 moths later***

"Push, Stephanie. Come on honey I know you can do it." Kurt said to his wife.

Dwayne and his girlfriend, Rachel Ann, (I figured you wouldn't mind Rachel) were standing outside the room waiting and anticipating.

"Kurt, I can't do it anymore I am in to much pain. Please god make it stop. You son of a bitch this is all your fault!"

"Focus, baby. Come on your almost there. Here we go ready? 1, 2, 3…"

"AWWWWWWWW! Oh God make it stop. AWWWWW!" Her breathing relaxed some and tears started running down her face.

"You did it, honey. Oh good he's beautiful."

The doctor smiled and placed the newborn baby boy in his mother's arms.

"He has your eyes, Kurt. Look at those beautiful blue eyes."

Kurt was smiling from ear to ear. He kissed his son on his forehead and then kissed his wife.

"I love you, Stephanie"

"I love you too, Kurt."

The End

Please review! Criticism welcome!


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